Self Care was the solution

I had a very tough summer this year. The weather was very hot and humid, and I hate both humidity and hot weather :). I am currently establishing my coaching business; I tried to work from home but I couldn't as it was the summer vacation and with the kids at home I could never focus on anything. I had shared an office with other people and before actually starting with my clients they apologized and asked to cancel the contract because they had to leave the apartment to the owner.  I found another place but it had to be furnished and that meant more time and additional expenses. My best friend was on a trip all summer long and I felt so lonely. I didn't go out with my friends or do anything to enjoy myself during almost three long months. I was working with my coach on my relationships. I was stuck and turning in circles. I couldn't find any way out for my issues. I was desperate and unhappy.

I was really astonished about how stuck I was in my relationships and why I couldn't find a way out. There was nothing new; they were the same issues I experienced every now and then. Why was my response this time so rough? Why couldn't I cope with the situation as sometimes I was able to do? Why couldn't I be accepting? Acceptance was all I needed I think. For almost three months I was struggling with many issues but I never realized that my main issue was with myself. Yes, it was all about me. I didn't take care of myself. There was something very important missing in my life; that was SELF CARE. I felt lonely and missing my best friend, I avoided going out because of the hot weather and the bad traffic, I spent all my time just doing housework and all I need to do for my new business, I was committed to my younger son workouts, but I didn't notice that I was not taking care of myself. For long weeks I didn't do anything to enjoy myself except working out two or three times a week.

I realized from my work with my coach that lack of self care was the main cause of my unhappiness, but I always thought that it was anything else. I was extremely nervous, aggressive and angry most of the time. I believed that the weather, my sons' behavior, traffic, my husband, the maid’s absence and many other reasons were the cause of feeling upset and angry. The only enjoyable thing I did during these three months is spending time with my sons, every now and then, listening to their jokes and laughing with them. It is true that I love spending time with my sons but I love and need to spend time with my friends and with myself. I needed to show more self care. I was always repeating to my friends that to be able to take care of others we need to learn to take care of ourselves first. It seems that I forgot my own advice :).

Self care doesn't need to be time and money consuming as we may think; it can be just spending quality time with a dear friend, listening to music, relaxing in nature or in our favorite place, watching a good movie or reading an inspiring book. It can be playing and laughing with our children. Self care means honoring ourselves and showing love for ourselves by having our needs met. It is showing respect to our own needs as we show respect to others needs. What is really important is to make it regular and a lifestyle; not just doing it when we have nothing else to do. 

It is so important to add our self care appointment to our calendar as we do with our other important appointments. We need to give our self care appointments a high priority as we give to our business appointments. The self care appointments we commit to today will help us to get the energy for our business appointments we have to commit to tomorrow. Have your own self care program. Build your own enjoyable activity list and go for one activity daily and as much as the activity is new and adventurous it will bring you more excitement, satisfaction and energy. Your life will not be the same anymore.

I would like that you share with me the activities you do to show self care and how often do you do?

What does self-love mean to you?

When we fall in love, we put everything else on hold and give our full attention to the person we're in love with. We develop a capacity for compassion and tenderness. Every decision we make is based on how we can best please them and ensure that they are content. We may lose sight of our own needs, but we will never lose sight of the needs of the beloved one. Although it's easy for us to love our family members, our spouses, our children, our friends, and anyone else we know, self love is difficult for us.

Many of us may find it extremely difficult to practice self-acceptance and self love. When I first heard the term "self-love," I thought it was a strange concept. Self-love is mistakenly interpreted as selfishness.; it refers to someone who is consumed with their own happiness at the expense of others. We don't learn how to accept and love ourselves in school and rarely at home. Because of this, if you don't love yourself, you'll put yourself last, be unappreciative, disrespectful, and unable to forgive yourself when it's due. Many of us have experienced something similar in the past. Although we can forgive others for their mistakes, we are extremely hard on ourselves when it comes to our own. Despite our best efforts, we are unable to be kind to ourselves. Even with others, we have the ability to be patient, but with ourselves, we lack the ability to wait. We go out of our way to make other people happy, but we have no idea what makes us happy in the first place. We give a lot of thought to other people's needs, but we don't give much thought to our own. It's a slap in the face.

This was supposed to be part of a post about self-love that I started writing a few days ago but never finished. Despite my interest in the subject, I couldn't think of anything else to say except that yesterday I had a bad experience that left me frustrated, unhappy, and inclined to place blame on myself. After some reflection, I realized why I had been so hard on myself. I had done nothing wrong, and it is normal for things not to go exactly as planned. If I had more self-acceptance, self-love, and trust in myself, would I feel this way about myself? No, I don't think so. We are kinder and more accepting of ourselves when we have enough self-love and self-acceptance. Even if the results aren't what we expected, we acknowledge, appreciate, and value everything we do. We are confident that we gave it our all, so we reward ourselves for our efforts. Given my conviction that I had done my best, I decided to thank myself for what I had accomplished thus far, give myself something nice, and take the day off. I plan to unwind and spend time with friends, who will help me make the most of the day. If you've been working hard for the past few days, I encourage you to do the same; simply give yourself a reward and acknowledge your accomplishments.

You can't expect anyone else to love you unless you first love yourself.

That's for sure! It makes sense to me. If we don't know how to love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? Unless we know how to make ourselves happy, how can others make us happy or how can we make others happy? Self-love and self-worth aren't difficult to achieve, but if you don't know how to get there, just become your best friend and act accordingly. You'll know exactly how to treat and love yourself right away.

By taking care of yourself, you're putting yourself first on the path to self-love.