The power of silence

I decided to break the silence on my blog because I felt the need to find a method to tell my experience and share my growth journey with others. A life coach's responsibility includes not just assisting others in growing, but also assisting myself in growing in the areas of mental, emotional, and spiritual development. That is how I can develop my coaching abilities: by practicing what I preach. Since 2012, I have been absent from my blog, but I have continued to blog on the World Moms Network blog, where I have shared my life experiences and my beliefs. From 2018 to the present, I have kept a personal journal of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, but I now want to share them with others. The most powerful experience I have had during these four years was practicing Silence, which was the most powerful experience I have had during these four years.

What is silence?

Silence is more than simply closing our mouths. Our true selves can only be discovered by relaxing our minds, letting go of our inner self-talk, and connecting with our hearts. One of the most significant benefits of silence is the development of self-awareness, which leads to self-discovery and self-connection.

Silence is the vehicle that takes us to the innermost center of our being, which is the place for all authentic practice.

              Catholic Nun and Zen Master Elaine MacInnes

The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear

             Rumi

  

How to practice silence?

The first step in practicing silence is to recognize when it is appropriate to talk and when it is necessary to keep silent. Finally, learning to talk only when required. As you progress down the road, you will learn to mute your bad speech and refrain from using words and expressions that are abusive, or hurtful; then learn to practice complete silence for a specified time. You can do it for a few minutes, hours or, a few days, depending on your schedule and availability.

Establishing a ritual of silence

• Every day, set up 30 minutes for stillness. If 30 minutes is too lengthy for you, start with 10 minutes and increase the time incrementally until you reach 30.
• Turn off all sources of disruption.
• Take a comfortable seat.
• Keep your eyes closed.
• Deeply inhale and exhale for a total of four counts on each side. Concentrate all of your attention on your breath.
• Allow yourself to let go of any thoughts or inner dialogue and simply focus on your breath.

Benefits of silence? 

By practicing silence on a regular basis, you can develop a variety of skills, of which I will list five here:

• Exceptional listening skills.
• Concentration and a sharp focus.
• Establishing a connection with your heart and soul.
• Managing stress.
• Finding your true self begins with awareness of your thoughts and beliefs, which can be achieved through practicing silence and meditation.

My story with silence retreats

In April 2019, I participated in my first Silence retreat. My first time experiencing meditation, I learned that being a thinker was my greatest obstacle to successfully practicing the art of mindfulness. My understanding of the distinction between quietness and silence has grown over time. However, I have since discovered that I am a quiet person, not a silent person as previously imagined. For the first time in my life, I learned and applied meditation. I learned to surrender via silence and meditation. As in meditation, I refrain from reacting to anything that happens around me during silence retreats, instead accepting, letting go, and remaining silent.

Conclusion

Constructing a daily silent practice is a transformative experience that is well worth your time and effort. The ability to live thoughtfully is no longer an option; it is a must and a genuine requirement if one wants to discover inner peace, relaxation, stress management, and connection to one's true self.

If you enjoyed this post, please share your opinions or your own personal experience with silence, as well as how it made a difference in your life, with me.

Our Beliefs shape our life

Photo by Binti Malu from Pexels

Throughout our life, we are forming our worldview. Every experience we have and the result of the experience gives us a new belief about ourselves and our skills. This belief gives us some feelings, and our behavior is based on those feelings.

Childhood beliefs have a lasting impact on our life long after we've grown up. As an adult, how does it feel to be reminded of or go through an event comparable to one you had as a child where you were appreciated, valued, and encouraged? Consider another instance in which you were held responsible and reprimanded; how did you react? Is it okay if we go through it all over again?

In the first scenario, I feel proud of my accomplishments, secure in my talents, and value myself. As a result of the second, I might feel bad about myself or ashamed of my actions. I might also try to avoid making the same mistake again. In both circumstances, my belief is based on the experience's conclusion, and if each experience had a different outcome, I would have a different view about it despite the fact that I am the same person.

When we were children and young adults, we all developed a set of beliefs about ourselves and our talents that were the result of various experiences we had. These beliefs now serve us, support us, and are the driving force behind our success and pleasure. There are also another set of beliefs that limit our potential and rob us of our confidence, self-esteem, and pleasure. We can call them dis-empowering or limiting beliefs. I prefer the latter one, "limiting beliefs", because it emphasizes how they prohibit us from taking advantage of the numerous opportunities that life has to offer. These beliefs lead to negative sentiments and self-talk that tells us we're not good enough, we're not deserving, why bother trying when we already know we'll fail, and many other negative self-talk patterns. Terrible self-talk and limiting beliefs or thoughts are a feature of life; who among us hasn't had these kinds of negative experiences? How individuals deal with their inner self-talk, however, varies widely. Being aware of when and how negative self-talk begins is critical.

We may replace our restricting and dis-empowering beliefs with more positive ones that assist and encourage us to achieve more success, but we must go through some processes to get rid of a limiting belief.

My methods for letting go of limiting beliefs and replacing negative self-talk with more positive ones worked for me, and I'm going to share them with you.

• Repeating positive and powerful statements to yourself on a regular basis (affirmations). It's uplifting and energizing.
• Writing down my previous victories and accomplishments, then going back to it when I'm feeling bad.
• Studying and writing about the numerous events and consequences that I've been through, and thinking about how this limiting idea has harmed my life.
• Put myself in the company of inspiring, upbeat people who will lift me up and serve as a constant reminder of all the wonderful things I've accomplished so far.

Hopefully these tools can help you release your limiting beliefs as well. Please feel free to share what has worked for you in the past (in the comments section) or what might work for you in the future (by sending your questions my way).

10 tips to stay positive in a negative environment

It's difficult, but not impossible, to maintain an optimistic outlook while surrounded by negativity. Though it's simple to say, it's nearly impossible to put into practice. However, if you believe in the value of it, you will succeed. Over the last two years, I've been through a lot of hardship. My mood sank, and it appeared as though my life had been placed on pause. Everything seemed impossible to me and I lacked energy or passion for anything. As a result, I made the conscious decision to limit my exposure to any and all negative stimuli.

Listed below are a few pointers that I used to remain upbeat when everything and everyone around me seemed to be depressing.

The following are ten suggestions for maintaining a good outlook.

1- Be present at the moment, let go of the past, and let go of the future worries.

It's critical to take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs if you want to maintain a happy outlook. When you feel good about yourself because you're healthy, fit, and in shape, it's hard for anything else to get to you.

3- Surrender: Have faith in Allah's (God's) mercy and assistance, and trust that He is looking out for your best interests.

4 -Keep a positive group of individuals around you to provide you encouragement and support.

5- Find inspiration by reading about people who have experienced difficult situations in their lives and have learned to have a good outlook in spite of it.

6- Create a habit that allows you to unwind. Deep breathing, meditation, or simply repeating positive affirmations regularly can help you achieve inner calm. Examples of affirmations include: I am safe, I feel amazing, my life is perfect, or whatever other affirmations you want.

7- Focus on what you have instead of what you lack. You should keep a thankfulness diary in which you should write down five things each day that you are grateful for. If you wait a few weeks, you'll have a big list of things to be grateful for.

8- Make an effort to understand your anxieties. Fear is most likely the root of your pessimism, therefore investigate the veracity of your worries and anxieties. In what percentage of cases did they prove to be correct? How are you going to get over your worries and who is going to help you?

Write down your thoughts, feelings, anxieties, and worries in a journal. You'll notice a difference. Make daily journaling a habit; it will be beneficial to your well-being.

10- Do what you enjoy and what makes you happy. To refuel and gain more positive energy, spend time with the people you love, travel, or go on silent retreats in nature.

What can you do to maintain an optimistic outlook while you're surrounded by pessimists?

Self Care was the solution

I had a very tough summer this year. The weather was very hot and humid, and I hate both humidity and hot weather :). I am currently establishing my coaching business; I tried to work from home but I couldn't as it was the summer vacation and with the kids at home I could never focus on anything. I had shared an office with other people and before actually starting with my clients they apologized and asked to cancel the contract because they had to leave the apartment to the owner.  I found another place but it had to be furnished and that meant more time and additional expenses. My best friend was on a trip all summer long and I felt so lonely. I didn't go out with my friends or do anything to enjoy myself during almost three long months. I was working with my coach on my relationships. I was stuck and turning in circles. I couldn't find any way out for my issues. I was desperate and unhappy.

I was really astonished about how stuck I was in my relationships and why I couldn't find a way out. There was nothing new; they were the same issues I experienced every now and then. Why was my response this time so rough? Why couldn't I cope with the situation as sometimes I was able to do? Why couldn't I be accepting? Acceptance was all I needed I think. For almost three months I was struggling with many issues but I never realized that my main issue was with myself. Yes, it was all about me. I didn't take care of myself. There was something very important missing in my life; that was SELF CARE. I felt lonely and missing my best friend, I avoided going out because of the hot weather and the bad traffic, I spent all my time just doing housework and all I need to do for my new business, I was committed to my younger son workouts, but I didn't notice that I was not taking care of myself. For long weeks I didn't do anything to enjoy myself except working out two or three times a week.

I realized from my work with my coach that lack of self care was the main cause of my unhappiness, but I always thought that it was anything else. I was extremely nervous, aggressive and angry most of the time. I believed that the weather, my sons' behavior, traffic, my husband, the maid’s absence and many other reasons were the cause of feeling upset and angry. The only enjoyable thing I did during these three months is spending time with my sons, every now and then, listening to their jokes and laughing with them. It is true that I love spending time with my sons but I love and need to spend time with my friends and with myself. I needed to show more self care. I was always repeating to my friends that to be able to take care of others we need to learn to take care of ourselves first. It seems that I forgot my own advice :).

Self care doesn't need to be time and money consuming as we may think; it can be just spending quality time with a dear friend, listening to music, relaxing in nature or in our favorite place, watching a good movie or reading an inspiring book. It can be playing and laughing with our children. Self care means honoring ourselves and showing love for ourselves by having our needs met. It is showing respect to our own needs as we show respect to others needs. What is really important is to make it regular and a lifestyle; not just doing it when we have nothing else to do. 

It is so important to add our self care appointment to our calendar as we do with our other important appointments. We need to give our self care appointments a high priority as we give to our business appointments. The self care appointments we commit to today will help us to get the energy for our business appointments we have to commit to tomorrow. Have your own self care program. Build your own enjoyable activity list and go for one activity daily and as much as the activity is new and adventurous it will bring you more excitement, satisfaction and energy. Your life will not be the same anymore.

I would like that you share with me the activities you do to show self care and how often do you do?

Our Thoughts Shape our Life

I had a very strange feeling today when I was running on the treadmill; I felt so excited, enthusiastic and full of energy, while 30 min earlier I felt uncomfortable, frustrated and lacking energy. My feelings at the gym were totally different from my feelings at home, and I wondered why? The difference in time between these feelings didn't exceed 30 min which is the time of the drive from my home to the club. I wondered how just going from one place to another could change my feelings from one extreme to the other. 

At home I felt weighed down and insignificant and I asked myself why I had this feeling? I realized that the house means housework, cooking, laundry and all the stuff that I don't like, and I believe it's useless to waste my time doing it every day. Recently I realized that my house is not the place where I love to stay to find peace and quiet any more. On the contrary, it's the place where I have to run from one room to the other cleaning and arranging; then rush to the kitchen for the dishes and the cooking and finally doing the laundry. I used to have a maid daily when I had a full-time job but after quitting my job I reduced it to two or three times a week. Since then I had the feeling that I am replacing her at home and this thought, I think, is the reason behind the feeling that I am weighed down. In addition, I tried to work from home but no one could accept the idea. They interrupt me all the time and want me to take care of them and finish my work as well. Everyone thinks that the short time they are interrupting me to ask for something is not that long. I am not a fan of multitasking, I like to do only one thing at a time until I finish it then move to the next one and of course these interruptions were extremely distracting to me. I tried to set boundaries but it didn't work.While at home, I was unable to achieve anything. With these two negative thoughts in mind; that I am replacing the maid and I will not achieve any progress in my business while working from home, I felt weighed down whenever I was home. 

Let me return to the feelings I had on the treadmill, excited, enthusiastic and energetic, why did I have these feelings? It's the sense of achievement that I feel when I am at the gym as my fitness level improves day after day. So the thought that came to my mind is I am achieving success in the area of fitness and not many are able to do that. I like my role of achiever at the gym; it brings me more self-confidence and a feeling of success. Concerning my business, I decided to have a place to work from, so I rented a room in an office and turned it into my own office. There I could have some peace and quiet; so finally I could work without interruptions. Now I feel more relaxed with the thought that I am moving forward in different areas of my life and achieving progress and that is exactly what I needed. 

I started to examine my feelings and my thoughts more closely. With the negative thoughts "I am replacing the maid" and "I am not achieving any progress" I felt unhappy, insignificant and frustrated but with the thought that I am achieving progress and success I felt excited, enthusiastic and energetic. What I wanted to highlight is that having negative thoughts and beliefs in mind can totally ruin our lives. We can change the negative thoughts by more positive ones to have more positive feelings. I will share with you some tips about how to replace negative thoughts and feelings with more positive ones in my next post. 
Please share with me what you think about that. Do you think that we can change our feelings about a certain situation by changing our thoughts? Did you go through similar experience? If yes what did you learn?

What does self-love mean to you?

When we fall in love, we put everything else on hold and give our full attention to the person we're in love with. We develop a capacity for compassion and tenderness. Every decision we make is based on how we can best please them and ensure that they are content. We may lose sight of our own needs, but we will never lose sight of the needs of the beloved one. Although it's easy for us to love our family members, our spouses, our children, our friends, and anyone else we know, self love is difficult for us.

Many of us may find it extremely difficult to practice self-acceptance and self love. When I first heard the term "self-love," I thought it was a strange concept. Self-love is mistakenly interpreted as selfishness.; it refers to someone who is consumed with their own happiness at the expense of others. We don't learn how to accept and love ourselves in school and rarely at home. Because of this, if you don't love yourself, you'll put yourself last, be unappreciative, disrespectful, and unable to forgive yourself when it's due. Many of us have experienced something similar in the past. Although we can forgive others for their mistakes, we are extremely hard on ourselves when it comes to our own. Despite our best efforts, we are unable to be kind to ourselves. Even with others, we have the ability to be patient, but with ourselves, we lack the ability to wait. We go out of our way to make other people happy, but we have no idea what makes us happy in the first place. We give a lot of thought to other people's needs, but we don't give much thought to our own. It's a slap in the face.

This was supposed to be part of a post about self-love that I started writing a few days ago but never finished. Despite my interest in the subject, I couldn't think of anything else to say except that yesterday I had a bad experience that left me frustrated, unhappy, and inclined to place blame on myself. After some reflection, I realized why I had been so hard on myself. I had done nothing wrong, and it is normal for things not to go exactly as planned. If I had more self-acceptance, self-love, and trust in myself, would I feel this way about myself? No, I don't think so. We are kinder and more accepting of ourselves when we have enough self-love and self-acceptance. Even if the results aren't what we expected, we acknowledge, appreciate, and value everything we do. We are confident that we gave it our all, so we reward ourselves for our efforts. Given my conviction that I had done my best, I decided to thank myself for what I had accomplished thus far, give myself something nice, and take the day off. I plan to unwind and spend time with friends, who will help me make the most of the day. If you've been working hard for the past few days, I encourage you to do the same; simply give yourself a reward and acknowledge your accomplishments.

You can't expect anyone else to love you unless you first love yourself.

That's for sure! It makes sense to me. If we don't know how to love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? Unless we know how to make ourselves happy, how can others make us happy or how can we make others happy? Self-love and self-worth aren't difficult to achieve, but if you don't know how to get there, just become your best friend and act accordingly. You'll know exactly how to treat and love yourself right away.

By taking care of yourself, you're putting yourself first on the path to self-love.